I had a meet and greet this morning with all the new people arriving to my organiztion from the past couple months. Why do these have to be so painful? First off, I HATE office humor. Not like humor that is from "The Office", but when people at the office try to make jokes relating to the office. Ugh with ugh flavored sprinkles on top. I also have the worst fake laugh in the history of mankind. I've been told I laugh at everything and that's because I really do have an extremely broad sense of humor. However, when unfunny people TRY to be funny, it just doesn't work and I have no desire to entertain you with a sympathy laugh. Usually I'll come with something that sounds a little like, "haaeeeaaaahhh". Yeah, like that.
Anyway, moving on. I had to listen to people say things like, "Welcome to my palace!" as I walked up to the building that was sort of ridiculously big. I get inside to the conference room we're sitting in and there is Dunkin Donuts galore. My boss bought everyone like 3 tubs of coffee, 4 boxes of donuts, and box of 100 munchkins. My boss is pretty awesome, so I'll give her that. My co-workers though, are not awesome. They ran for those treats like pigs going for slop. THEN this one lady, who is way too old to know better and probably hasn't seen her feet this decade, kept getting up in the middle of our boss talking to us to get more donuts! What is wrong with people? She then proceeded to put 4-5 munchkins (donut holes) into her coffee and let them soak for like 5 minutes. When she took a bite, ALL I could do was sit there with my mouth wide open like when someone tells you that a bird shit on their head. Good God.
I basically just sat there and watched this lady for the rest of the meeting. I realized something interesting about her as she was sitting there trying to act like she was taking notes on what was being said. I know she was pretending, because no word has 3000 letter Os in it. Anyway, this lady has what I like to call a shit face. You know that face that people make in movies when they're taking a crap? Basically close one eye, scrunch your nose up really tight, and say, "Arrrrrgh" and you've got it nailed. The only thing different, is that's just her face. She will always look like that. Even when she dies, people will probably say, "Is she crapping in her casket?" It's awful. It is definitely one of those faces that you just can't help but stare at though, you know? Later, about an hour of me watching her from across the room, she started to twitch her face around like there was a small animal trapped under her skin trying to get out.
I forced myself to doodle ways to kill myself for the remained of the meeting to keep occupied. The guy who is my mentor saw my doodles and was like, "Um...what are you drawing?" I told him and he just laughed at me, so that's good. He is still probably wondering if I'm suicidal. Too many more meetings like that and I might possibly become so.