Friday, April 23, 2010

Group picture!

So, I'm sure anyone reading this has read "The 20 Male Poses of Facebook" over at 2b1b. If not, do so. It's hilarious. Currently I'm rocking the "I love my girlfriend (wife) Shot". Well I shut up.

Anyway, I can't help but talk about another ridiculous trend that seems to have started because everyone and their mother has a digital camera and a Facebook account now. It's a pose that's been plaguing the pages of Facebook photo albums for years now: The Sorority Squat.


Alright, you look like idiot hookers. Amirite or Amirite? I mean, I ALMOST get it when there are two rows of people in a group picture. When you're in an open area with a wide open back ground, though, you're an idiot if you're in this pose. It just doesn't make sense. Look at the first three pictures above again. Why in the world would you squat for any of these pictures? I especially like the picture with the guy standing upright and the girls all squating. Just further proof that this is XX chromosome specific.

I'd say it's probably 98% femailes who partake in this pose. I can't imagine watching a butch of Rugby playing dudes lean in and squish their man boobs together for a group picture. I mean, that's all you ladies are doing, right? It's a sad attempt to show off your boobs. I'm not going to be convinced otherwise, so don't even try. Also, if you're wearing a skirt and squating, you know what is going to show. Stop being slooty.

There are other types of group pictures that seem retarded to me too. Why the hell do people feel the need to take a group picture every time they're all in the same place anyway? I don't exactly get the whole idea of saying, "Alright! Everyone get together so we can get a group picture on this sidewalk!" "YEAH THIS WILL BE AWESOME!" "BE SURE TO TAG EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK LATER!" "OMG I MADE A FUNNY FACE LET ME SEE!" "MAN I LOOK SO DUMB, HAHAHA!"

Tell me you can look at that picture and not see the above dialogue taking place. This picture pretty much has every typical person in every typical pose ever overused for Facebook/Myspace.

From Left to Right:
-Teeny Bopper chick throwing a gang sign: check
-Angry guy shooting the finger: check
-Normal smiling person: check
-Guy looking off into the distance like he wasn't prepared for the picture: check
-Girl with face that says, "HEY, PICTURE!": check
-Tongue out & peace signs: double check
-Mr. Serious Face: check
-Thumbs up for a good time: check

Anyone want to bet that 2-3 years ago all these kids were saying they were "straight edge" (XXX 'TIL DEATH!!!!) and now they all smoke, drink, do each other on a nightly basis? Sheep.

Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is...nothing really. Group pictures used to feel much more...needed...before the whole digital camera/facebook picture craze, though.

I can only think of a few times when it is necessary to take a group picture. They are as follows:

Sports team pic:

Family Reunion:

By the way, how awesomely patriotic is this family? USA! USA! USA! Also got to give a shout out to the couple wearing photo print t-shirts in the back center. High fives all around.

Wedding group picture:

There are others of course. But I just really think the over use of the group picture is getting a little out of hand. So, stop squating, leaning in, and throwing up gang signs. Stand up straight and look like normal members of society.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about my favorite group picture of them all...

The Corgi Group Picture:

Can't beat that. Not now. Not ever.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Oh yeah, it's that time of year. The time of year where government agencies decide it's too warm for the heat, but not warm enough for the AC. Well, that is, unless you work where I work and the regulation states, "There will be a 45 day period between the time in which the heat is turned off for the season and the Air Conditioning is turn on." Yup.

However, if you're even more special, and you're me (of course) you'll end up working in a building that was erected (hehe) during WW2 that uses radiator heating. Someone decided that the highest setting wasn't high enough on the radiator at the main entrance of the building, so they decided to

...kick it up a notch.....


and ended up breaking the damn radiator. So now, the radiator is broken on full blast and constantly puts out heat of about 95 degrees. Not only is it constantly putting out heat, but it also is emitting an open spark which could potentially burn this 80 year old building (coated in lead paint and filled to the rafters with asbestos) to the ground in a matter of minutes. With the amount of smokers who work here, and decide that rules don't apply to them, that spark is within 15 feet of an open flame 3-5 times a day at least....comforting.

I can't help but bitch (mostly because of the heat) about the huge double standard that is going on in offices across this nation. Men get screwed during the Spring/Summer months by not be allowed to dress comfortably.

Exhibit A:

Look at the lady first. She looks wonderful. So elegant. So comfortable. Her hair is even blowing in a slight breeze. Her skirt is short enough to let in a breeze once in a while to keep things cool and her sleeves are of equal comfy length. Looking at her, you could almost place her in any setting. She could go anywhere while wearing something like that and no one would care.

Now, look at the guy. His life sucks. He is wearing a button up shirt, most likely with some form of an undershirt to prevent the sweat pond from forming around his sweat zones and then onto his dress shirt. He is wearing PANTS and I'm sure there are dress socks pulled up as high as they'll go to be sure he doesn't look like a slob. He is blazing hot and the most comforting thing he can do is roll up his sleeves and maybe undo one button. More times than not, he is probably also wearing a tie but it was probably "casual" Friday for him. THIS IS NOT CASUAL.

If a girl can wear this.... work, I should be able to wear this...

...only, you know, a lot less queer.

Thank you.